Gender and Marriage!
Unisex Seventies!How sexual identities became confused when attitudes to gender changed forever!
A 1973 television documentary encapsulated the mood of the times:
'Husbands and wives now share the same hairdresser! Unisex boutiques with pink shirts for him and trousers for her!' They told us. But the evidence was all around us - men with long hair and pink frilly shirts. Women who went out to work and left the housework to their husbands! Traditional marital roles are being blurred, and, in some instances, reversed,' one commentator observed.
So what happened to those young couples who swapped roles? We tracked down one such couple. This is their story.
SHARON: 'I saw the 1970's as a whole New World for women like me. I wanted a career. I wasn't interested in a life of housework. Everything pointed in my direction. Even the clothes; I didn't need to wear a bra, or a girdle. I could wear short skirts with tights. I felt free and adventurous. Damien wasn't the only man who saw my point of view. Many of our friends had lived in communes, where men looked after children, did housework and refused to accept the role society gave them. A lot of emphasis has been placed on the fact that he wore female clothes - but in those days - the first thing men did was to throw away their traditional clothes. Remember frilly pink shirts? Purses for men? Why Damien's hair was longer than mine! I did not burn my bras, I gave them to my husband! Swapping our clothes was the easy part - wearing and apron in the kitchen is not such a big deal if you are washing dishes all the time. No, it was the decision-making that was difficult. No partnership is ever truly equal, at the end of the day one person has to make the difficult decisions. Once it was accepted that I was the decision-maker, the rest fell into place. Damien became my wife. I became his husband. Society can laugh, but we made it work.
DAMIEN
: 'I'm not ashamed of anything we've done. The only reason we have kept our relationship secret is because everyone gets hung-up on the clothing aspect. In today's climate, yes, it looks crazy. But try and remember what it was like back then. Gay people were being accepted by society for the first time. Why couldn't we throw the stereotype marriage out of the window? I didn't want to work in an office. I didn't want to wear a suit and tie. I enjoyed having long hair. I enjoyed sharing clothing shops and hair salons with Sharon. When Sharon went out to work each morning, I felt sorry for her! I was only too pleased to take care of the house and cook our meals. As far as I was concerned, I was the lucky one. Habit turned us into a role-swap couple, habit and finances. Wearing a skirt for the first time was traumatic. It was also a shared adventure that brought us even closer together. We bonded as a couple because we swapped roles, because we ignored gender and did what was best for us, for our marriage.SHARON'S MOTHER
: 'I would like to say they told me because they trusted me and wanted my advice. The truth is though, they couldn't have swapped roles and kept it secret for all these years without my help. I was all for it. Having spent most of my life as a housewife I was happy enough to help my daughter avoid a similar fate. Damien was refreshingly honest. He told me he was too lazy to get a job. He was far happier pottering about the kitchen, and he adored Sharon. The only time I voiced my doubts was when he started wearing a skirt. Admittedly by that time I'd already seen Damien in an apron. He'd worn various tops of hers and of course his hair was totally feminine in appearance. So, it wasn't perhaps as shocking as it might have been with your average husband. Still, the first time he sat opposite me in a skirt I was disturbed to say the least. Their reasoning was never properly explained to me. Damien told me it was Sharon's idea. Sharon claimed it was about gender identification and symbolism. Most of their friends had divorced by this time. If you ask me Sharon enjoyed her lifestyle, she was making sure she didn't lose what she had! Was he forced to wear her clothes? Let's put it this way, Damien wasn't given a choice. Did I have sex with Damien? Yes, but only because Sharon didn't want that kind of sex anymore. What else was the poor boy to do? Did I ever beat him? Yes, but before you condemn me remember this - I always gave him a choice, he could accept a hiding from me, or from Sharon. Now I wonder why he always accepted it from me?We hear everything - including their unusual sex life:
'You can't expect a man who works in the kitchen all day wearing a frilly apron, to assume an aggressive masculine persona in the bedroom,' explains Sharon. 'I always expected Damien's daytime role to affect his performance in the marriage bed. And when it did I took over. Passive men can make seriously good lovers, as long as they are not ridiculed. Damien understood my reasons for not allowing him penetrative sex; it would have made a mockery of what I was trying to achieve. Unfortunately I'm not sure he understood why I needed to penetrate him!'
And Sharon's views on domestic discipline!
'It's hard, almost impossible for a woman to be 'the boss'. At work - despite my title - nobody really thought of me as their 'boss' until I fired someone. It's exactly the same in the home. Damien obeyed me; Damien washed my clothes and cooked my food. But he never understood his true position until the day I put him over my knee.'
Only in this month's
- Men as Maids! - online magazine!Don't Miss Out!
Plus: Another case from our files. A Psychiatrist records one woman's adventure into a life of domination and control. 'I saw my mother beat my father with his own belt,' she begins. 'Every Sunday afternoon she dressed him as her maid and he did the housework! Before I got married I told my husband that it could happen to him.'
A fascinating account of one man's slide into hell at the hands of his own wife!
Plus: More Bizarre Photos! :1970's underwear Photos: Contacts! Readers Letters!
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